|Like The Queen
Whatever happens to strike my fancy, but surely some sort of fiber content.
I am so very sorry for your loss. You are right, without time, we would be stuck in very painful places. With time, sorrow becomes softer and is integrated into a sweet memory of a loved one we can recall at anytime and can hold as a precious gift placed in our hearts by the people we lost. Where grief is concerned, time is a healer, I do agree. When I feel the need to remember someone I hold dear and to cry sweet tears of love, I like to listen to this song:
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Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Time Is Your Friend
It has been a difficult time at TheCastle. A week ago, at the height of the eclipse, my young nephew let go of life, unexpectedly. His had not been an easy one but it had its richness and its deep value. We are still trying to find our way through the veil of sadness, each of us on our own pathway.
Life, though, that pulsing wave of EverythingElse thrumming all around us, continues - as anyone who has suffered great loss knows - and we aren't oblivious to it. There were several Other Events that crowded into a weekend underlined with grief and TheQueen and her family muddled through them with determination. They helped because they made demands on me, blunting the first piercing of grief, but now that a week has passed I am glad they will diminish and eventually fade away and it will be just the immediate household of TheQueen and BD and her dogs.
And perhaps her health - which seems to be returning at last after a month's absence. The third visit to the doctor began a different course of medication - this time for asthma - which, after a week - is finally kicking in. Last night I slept for 3 hours straight and did not wake up coughing out my lungs. A first in a month. This is good. It may be I will be All Fixed before you know it, because the funny thing about getting well is that you feel rotten for so long that when you finally feel good it seems as if it happened all of a sudden. At least - that is what I am counting on.
The other comfort I have had over the past week has been my knitting - which has proved to be enormously soothing. Two projects - a little cashmere - a little cotton/lycra - soft but resilient. Yes. That, too, has been good.
I am into the wind-down of summer now that The Reunion is over. Even if the days are hot, the nights are longer so they cool us down more. People are away, trying to fit in the last bit of vacation time before school and autumn and holiday activities crowd in. Tappahannock, my little town, is something of a vacation place. The county falls along a wide tidal river and there are lots of vacation cottages. In June and July, the vacationers who show up at the library are kicking back and want books to read. But in August, the vacationers are more frenetic - in the water more, swimming, boating, doing - and the traffic at the library slows down a bit. August is when staff an take vacations. Not This Staff since I've been out so much sick that I now have a backlog of paperwork on my desk. But other staff - so I'll be out front more, chatting with folk, helping people find things.
The turning of the seasons makes itself felt in other places too - goldenrod is blooming along the road and the sweet gum leaves are turning orange. They're always the harbingers of autumn and I will begin to daydream about colorways and fair isle sweaters and cuddling up in the big green chair to knit scrunchy warm things. One day there will be a flock of geese overhead, calling out instructions and directions to their mates and I will know that it's time to get the winter clothes out of the attic.
Right now, with the loss of my nephew, I don't want to see the circle roll around, but eventually the sadness and loss will tamp down into my being and synthesize with the essence of myself. And then I will again savor the fact that we are always moving and flowing and circling and I will be glad. I once knew a couple who loved to argue about time. Is time your friend or is it your enemy? They played this game throughout 50+ years of happy marriage. The first time I heard about it my reaction was "Oh it's your friend!" and as I sit here today I know this to be completely true. Eventually, time smooths everything and as I still feel the prick of grief, I am glad I know this. Thank you Time. You are my most welcome friend. posted by Bess | 6:43 AM