|Like The Queen
Whatever happens to strike my fancy, but surely some sort of fiber content.
I love the idea of a 101 Things I Want list! It's so true, we are conditioned to deny ourselves. That is one thing that hit me this year, that I'd spent my entire life worrying about other people's wants and needs ahead of my own.
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Wednesday, December 27, 2006 It’s a funny thing about the old bod... You can go along for days and days, feeling okay, hmm, not bad, you know, just a little dragging, bit of a sore throat thing you know, now and then there are the sneezes and then your nose runs, but nothing you’d call sick. And then crash, you fall asleep and don’t wake up for hours and hours and you begin to wonder - what the heey...? Yesterday, around noon, I woke up and thought such a white sky day deserved to be spent in bed. There were a few awake hours shared with Tylenol, books, knitting and chicken noodle soup; we finished Sunday’s acrostic, and then I fell asleep for the rest o the night, interrupted by 2-hourly visits to exchange the fluid in my body.
I certainly feel well slept. I could go either way, though. I seriously suspect this is the sort of thing you can walk away from if you just get up and get going, but home feels sooooo good and I have 6 months of sick leave and it’s the 3 days between Christmas and New Years. I actually could call in sick today. Or go in for a few hours and leave way early. Both are tempting. Hmmm. Well, there. I can decide closer to the witching hour.
I did begin a list I’ve been contemplating for some time. It’s the 101 Things I Want List. Yep Yep - have you any idea how hard it is to come up with 101 things you want? No holds, no bars, no limits, even if you think, “Not in a million years”, just start writing the things you really want. The first 15 or so are easy. I even managed to put in some “Niamy” wants, like “I want thicker hair”. The idea is that nice people, good people, get used to snipping off their desires because after all, it’s greedy to want so much, and you have to wait your turn, and who do you think you are, asking for the moon?! Real greed, of course, comes when you want to take from others and if you look around, there is usually enough to go around already. Certainly there are enough lines that your turn should come up pretty darn soon. But really, the more you want, the more fun life is. Watching my parents as they shut down and stop wanting and find it all just too hard to try, ... and as such, step closer to death, I’m really aware that, though they may be ready to quit living, I am not! I’m looking forward to the next thing, even the thicker hair part. Who’s to say that I won’t start finding information about better nutrition that will cause my moribund hair follicles start growing hair again. Or that some product comes on the shelf that will do the trick for me? I’d be thrilled to have as much hair as I had at 18. Who knows?
I’ll admit, there was some effort involved in getting to #50 and I still have 51 more to go - but I’m going to keep at it till I get there. Partly this is because I love to make lists anyway. And it’s getting closer to the New Year when Resolutions are more than legal they’re invited! Nobody loves the New Year’s Resolution Ritual more than I. After the tree is down, the house is sparkly, and I’ve had my fancy bubble bath, I plan to scatter all sorts of notebooks and bright pens on my bed and nestle in the middle of them, and just resolve away.
This year I’ll be guided by more than just a desire for things to look forward to. I’ve been doing a lot of reading into the attitude adjustment at the core of several books on the law of attraction. This says that we get what we ask for, what we pay attention to, what we focus on, be it good or bad. So learn to ask for what you want and not for what you don’t want. (i.e. I want to thin, rather than I don’t want to be fat.) This sounds so utterly logical and reasonable to me that I can’t resist putting it into action. It’s been a part of my world since August and I have to say - I’ve never been happier in my life, in spite of a sick mom, my own sore throat and any number of other little disappointments that, like spent tennis balls, have rolled around my feet. The point is, they just nudged into my feet, they didn’t trip me up. And the number of things I wanted but didn't expect to get, yet got anyway is just a little spooky. Happy spooky, but brrrr. spooky.
It’s hard for me to express what so excites me about being guided by this law of attraction without sounding smarmy or spacy or goofy. I suppose I’m still new enough at it that old habits, old patterns, old negative refrains are still close enough to mock me about being Polyana-ish. Especially if other people think I sound ... smarmy, spacy or goofy. Heck, I really don’t mind if other people think I’m a nut. I’ve always been different. I suppose what’s made me so secretive about it is that I want to be sure I can state what it’s done for me accurately - in the true Bessish way - with my own special insight into things - my own special way of explaining it.
Fear not, though. Once I can put it all into words, you’ll hear them all! (insert laughing smiley face here) In fact, once I have my list of 101 Things ... I’ll start posting them too. Just to give you the idea, see?
Good knitting to you all. And good wanting too! posted by Bess | 6:47 AM