Like The Queen
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Wednesday, October 04, 2006  

All About MEMEME

Every once in a while you get a glimpse of yourself from afar and understanding clicks up another notch. In the case of a classic ENFP who’s only reason for being alive at all is to figure out why she’s alive at all - I know, it sounds like we’re a little too circular, but we aren’t - we are spiralish - spiralick - spirilic? Anyway, each time we come around again, we’re a little higher up the mountain - (back to that subordinate clause) - that notch up is deeply satisfying and reassuring.

[insert smiley face here]

That sentence was just an exercise in Look-a-bird ENFPedness. Once we get going down the path of navel gazing we’re gone for hours.

[drag self back to original thought before it’s gone forever]

Okay - well, what prompted all the above verbiage is the sudden Ah-Haa moment when I realized that two aspects of my life seem to draw upon the same motivation for progress. When I feel I have sufficient knowledge and skill in an area, I need outside stimulation in the form of an audience, to make me create with those skills. No Jack Horner in a Corner coming up for air every now and then, holding a plum, I seem to go into idle daydream mode unless there is an audience to perform for. Years and years (and years) ago I was a professional musician. The stage has been home for me since I was around 5. It should be no wonder that my best efforts are offered to the folks sitting out there.

I’m getting ready to do a story telling (for pay, yes isn’t that nice?) at J’s school. I have a lovely spinning story program already and I know I can fall back on that at a moment’s notice, but am I rehearsing that? Oh. No. I am writing a NewStory to be told for the VeryFirstTimeEver on Friday. Partly that’s because they really want cotton to be the focus of the program. I’m the entertainment for a dedication of a garden in which cotton (a southern agricultural staple - great for those SOL’s) was grown this summer. Partly, it’s the chance to add to the repertoire, too. But most of all it’s because I was so stimulated by the thought of a BrandNewAudience, I couldn't resist the opportunity to produce New Material.

As I was tsking at myself for making all those darling children at J’s school into my story telling guinea pigs, I suddenly realized that I also do this to all - and I do mean ALL - the people who come to dinner at my house. I always cook a new recipe for them. BD always looks up from his plate and says “What is this? We’ve never had this before.” which makes me squirm a bit, and laugh it off, and sometimes cavil and make it sound like he might have forgotten that we’d had this dish before ... without actually saying that ... since it wouldn’t be true ...

And I got to wondering - Why would you take such a risk in front of an audience? What if it’s a flop? What if your story is stupid or dull? What if your food tastes awful? Don’t you value your friends, your audience, enough to give them a polished performance, a practiced menu? Do you always have to be on the edge? Are you addicted to BSing?

The response came as swiftly as the question. I don’t ever do this in areas where I don’t have a solid grounding with lots of experience in the foundations and basics of a skill. I don't pretend to know things I don't know - to be able to do things I can't do. I wouldn’t fake it. At least, I wouldn’t deliberately fake it. I might try to wing it to fill in a gap, not of my making, or created by circumstances. I might fake it if the teasing part of faking it is the intended result. But I don't need you to think I am something I am not. And I am not a ... as dad used to say ... a 4-flusher. What I do is respond to the stimulation of Others. (that's the E in ENFP) When I feel like I have real skill in an area, I enjoy showing it off to others, sharing it with others, giving it to others. Praise or appreciation only spurs me further. I am inspired. Brain cells pop with excitement. Gears whir, wheels turn, belts move. I just love to create for an audience.

Mama used to say there was no point in scolding me. I just caved inward and shut down. But praise - ahhh - praise for even the tiniest part of an effort would get me to try harder and harder - to do better and better next time. A spiral. Ever upwards. Clever mama. She used that parenting trick again and again and as a result, I adored her and she had a pretty easy to raise daughter. We never had a stage when we quarreled. We giggled our way through my adolescence and even during that one dark time when they had to make me do something I didn’t want to and I ... true ENFP that I am ... curled inwards and grew dark, she found those strokes to give me that kept the bond strong till I could let the sunshine in again.

So. What is this all about. oh yeah. MEMEMEMEMEMEMEME
Want some fiber news?

It is AbSoLutely fun to spin cotton from the seed. I don’t have a charka. I don’t even like to knit with cotton. But I completely love spinning cotton from the seed - using any tool I have - spindle, Ashford, Golding Wheel. The unprocessed fiber sits there snug to the seed, not ready to zip through your fingers before the twist can go in. The seed gives it a resistance that feels like the traction of scales in wool. I could become addicted.

I have a huge box of cotton bolls to take with me on Friday so that all the children can touch and play with and fondle their own cotton and not feel sad about having to keep Hands Off the garden’s plants. 100 bolls x 5 sections per boll x about 7 seeds per section means there will be plenty left for me to play with after Friday. And it also means my cotton spinning demonstration will be much better than it would if I were using punis or roving. I’ll make a puni for them to see how carding works but I will spin from the tiny seeds - so I will look better than I am ... or ought I say ... I’ll be at my best.

I got the cotton here. I called them because I was running late and the farmer called me back from his peanut combine in his North Carolina fields and sweetly offered to ship me the bolls before my check arrived. This is one darling family. If you want a source for spinnable cotton bolls (oh you will love spinning from these) the educational box of 100 seconds is a great bargain. And if you want to put them in flower arrangements, they have firsts too - perfect bolls for display.

I knit only 1 round of the colorful stripey KnitPicks sweater. Concentrating on more literary efforts. But here is a cute little quiz I picked up from Fillyjonk’s blog. I admit. I cheated a little and looked up that deconstructionist - but he was my first pick. I was just checking.

True English Nerd
You scored 84 erudition!
Not only do you know your subjects from your objects and your definite from your indefinite articles, but you've got quite a handle on the literature and the history of the language as well. Huzzah, and well done! The English snobs of Boston salute you.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 99% on erudition
Link: The Are You Truly Erudite? Test written by okellelala on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

posted by Bess | 7:24 AM