Well, I'm back to thinking about WW again. It's been so long since I could, and while I feel better because I really did have a medical reason for gaining all that weight (I just didn't know it for several years) the fact is the weight is still there. And while I want a tee-shirt that says "My thyroid cancer made me fat, what made you an idiot" that won't help me get back to the body I should have.... In fact, I drove into work today planning to spend time researching meeting times. They're running a commercial right now that makes me cry everytime I see it, I swear...
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Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Please consider the animals in your prayers and actions.
The Humane Society of the United States
Hurricane Katrina Animal Rescue
World Animal Net - Louisiana
Ditto - Mississippi
Wow! Thanks, Ellen! I’ll get some this week!
Long ramble all about body issues
This morning is the best I’ve felt in 2+ weeks! I’m not yet pain free but wow! How wonderful to be not too bad. The check-up with MrDr was, as usual, more fun than anything else. I have the dearest doctor. His home is the only other one in the county where, should I give him a call, it’s likely Stravinsky will be playing in the background. He is also open to total healing and advised me to go to the chiropractor - but will also write up a referral to the physical therapy folk. What he also said, though, was that it could be November before the ankle is healed - Tincture of Time was his main prescription, along with a renewal of the muscle relaxer - which I can also use as a sort of anatomical watch, for I can tell when 6 hours have passed since the last time I had one.
I’ve lived with "BadAnkles" all my life - or all my life since I was 11, at least - so I don’t really consider a sprain a "real" health issue. It’s just one of the huge boulders in my life that I must flow around, like the James River at the fall line. But the pinched neck nerve and tingling arms - ahhh - that is a new (old age) disorder and I’m still learning the routine for that. I know I should not stay on the computer as much as I do - and I shall stay away much more from now on - but I really do love to sit at a keyboard and let the mind open and the words flow. It’s just that, unlike fresh fruit and salad, this particular pleasure shall have to be portioned out like bread or meat - enough, but not unlimited.
While at MrDr’s I asked the (cousin) nurse to see how tall I was - and oh what a blow! I’m 1 inch shorter than I’ve been saying for years and years and years. I have always wanted to be tall, and not just because it ment I could weigh (and eat) more. Tall is authoritative. Tall has power. Tall spreads out proportional issues like short waists and necks or heavy shoulders. Tall is my size of choice. I hit 5’6" in high school and held my head high to give off the impression of an extra inch, but I always wanted to be 5’8". And now I am 5’5" which is a cute #, with it’s matching feet and inches, and still "above average" but, sigh. I really regret that lost inch. And you do know what that means on the height/weight charts. Yep. Bummer.
Following the intense introspection of my on-the-road-to-health body came my regular WW meeting where I could at least see that I had not gained any weight while spending days within 10 feet of the refrigerator. But I have been 10 lbs over my goal weight (which was calculated for a lofty 5’6" inch woman!!) for over a year now. I have not been impeded by ignorance of healthy eating and exercise habits. Instead, I can lay claim to a whole passle of horribly false beliefs that tangle my feet and my brain and that need to be erased, expunged, and banished from my life.
False: I come from a fat family.
True: Well, dearie, the operative word isn’t fat, it’s from - as in: going away from, as in departed from, as in, no place I have to go back to!
False: I don’t have time to fix all that food.
True: I don’t have time?!? What do I have time for, then? Half an hour in front of the closet trying to find something that fits?
False: Corollary to the above, I’ve got plenty of time to take this weight off.
True: Oh do I? I’m moving deep into menopause when my metabolism will slow down even more! Muscle mass is fading away, skin is sagging on arms. Recoup time is longer. Weight loss time is too. Just when do I think is going to be the right time, huh?
False: It’s only 10 lbs
True: It’s really 17 lbs.
False: That photo of me at this weight, taken 13 years ago, that wasn’t all that bad.
True: Yeah, right. My hair was still brown, back then, too, and the wrinkles left from sleeping on my face disappeared with my first cup of coffee. Gravity had yet to take such a toll. Besides - that was a distance shot next to an enormous boxwood bush. Erase that picture from your memory Oh IdiotQueen!
As sometimes happens, help is waiting for you when you are ready to pick it up. The topic of the meeting was "Are you satisfied with your weight loss?" to which, of course, we all know my answer. The leader then offered us a wonderful quote from Winston Churchill:
Sometimes it’s not enough to do your best. Sometimes you must do what is required.
She went down the basic list of WW rules - all of them no brainers - and then challenged us to identify which of those rules we were not following, turn to the person seated next to us, and tell her what we vowed to do this coming week.
Now, the psychology of obligating myself to another had a powerful emotional effect on me - on everyone, I suspect, based upon the excitement generated in the room. To make a promise - a specific promise - to someone - to anyone - seemed to jump start the whole room. It certainly inspired me. Time to get real with myself.
And quiet obviously time to quit typing, too.
posted by Bess |