Like The Queen
Whatever happens to strike my fancy, but surely some sort of fiber content.


Well, hooray! At least tentatively. I hope time and nature don't take too long. And that the pain meds are adequate for all normal purposes. And, well, you know, just that everything is gonna be okay now.

By Blogger Larry, at 10:11 AM  

fibroids. hmm.. I think the plan of action you've decided is the best. I mean (I worked with fibroid specialists as a secretary.. so I've seen all the cures) if this is your real first attack.. then you are fairly well off to take the meds route and wait it out. Glad to hear it is something more treatable with meds then other options!

By Blogger purlewe, at 2:08 PM  

I had a fibroid that was doing its level best to kill me - screaming pain, hemmoraging, etc. Took me two years to find a doc who would get rid of the evil thing - and SO glad I did!

Hope yours resolves quickly, dear!


By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:56 PM  

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Thursday, June 23, 2005  

The verdict is

No surgery.

In fact, no cyst.

It’s a very large fibroid having a last fling at making something grow in that fertile environment. I was offered several options for treating this, from conservative to aggressive. I can either:

a. take painkillers and wait for time to make all moot
b. take synthetic hormones and get horribly depressed
c. go through instant menopause via chemistry and who knows what will happen
d. go through instant menopause via surgery and basically take the summer off.

I’m choosing a. for the moment. I don’t trust hormonal tinkering. I’m doing okay with the pain meds. Just knowing what the problem is makes it so much easier to bear. And then - I can always change my mind. I am, after all, not going to grow younger, so sooner or later all that lower body activity is going to grind to a halt. In fact, I’d thought it had done so last fall - with relative ease and grace. Eh. Bodies. They are such enigmas.

Which puts me in mind of an even worse conundrum - the brain and how it works (or doesn't)! Why does the brain operate so secretively to torment, derail, and otherwise put one into such misery? Whence comes this idea that getting sick is proof that one is bad!? Why do I feel so freakin’ guilty for this whole thing? Why do I feel guilty when I sprain my ankle? Why do I feel guilty if I have allergy attacks that cause me to gasp for air? Where does this utterly sick but deeply held belief come from?

Is it the result of hearing all through childhood “Eat your vegetables so you grow up healthy.” “Drink your milk so you become strong.” “Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy...” So what? If I watch the late news I will be sickly, strapped and stupid? Why is it that I feel like I did BadThings and now pay with BadHealth? I didn’t do anything to make muscle cells begin to grow in my endometrium? They just did, daggummit.

Nor am I using sickness to punish me for non health related badness. At least, I am not consciously doing it and let’s face it, folks. We do have to spend most of our time in the conscious realm, trusting that our subconscious is there for a useful purpse, not to lead us into medical hysteria. Granted, Virgo’s are quick to condem ourselves, to find those places where we stepped off the narrow puritan path to paradise, but I still would chose some other form of punishment than secret, inside the dark caverns of the body (where only knives will reveal the problem), illnesses. In my more rational moments, I’d rather just apologize, atone and move on.

But then - perhaps my subconscious figures that if I am sick, not only will I be punished, but everyone will feel sorry for me and have to forgive me. Oh god! This is so perverse!

Then there are all the alternative medicine options to taunt you from the sidelines. For all that I am [not so] secretly terrified of disease, especially the ones lurking up ahead, just for me, I am not really a hypochondriac. My usual regimen for dealing with HealthProblems is to self-medicate with sleep and water then see a traditional left brain doctor and follow his chemical path. But I know there are these other paths ...homeopaths ... spiritual paths... psycho-paths - and I torment myself with wondering if I am on the WrongPath. The healing white light? Reiki touch? Micro-nutrition? It is not possible to try them all! (but if you don’t does that mean you are Lazy and therefore BadEnoughToDeserveToGetSick?)

Besides. Mostly I want to forget about my body. Mostly I want to feel nothing at all. Mostly I want to use all these fabulous creative disease finding brain cells to make beautiful knitting or a really great garden or to invent super sex positions or anything positive - not this minute dissection of MyHealth.


You probably wouldn’t be able to guess that by the past week’s posts. Okay. Promise.

No More Health Posts - at least, not for a while.


posted by Bess | 7:35 AM