|Like The Queen
Whatever happens to strike my fancy, but surely some sort of fiber content.
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Sunday, March 20, 2005 Nothing can lift your spirits like a yard full of 6 year olds in long frilly dresses, squealing with the joy of springtime.
I was of two minds about exposing my darker side on this DiaryAsLiterature site. On the one hand, it’s mine and I can durn well put what I want on it. On the other hand, I durn well better be ready to see it on the front page of the Times, or at least, to expect a phone call from my mother if I get too far off the GoodTaste-0-Meter, onacounta it’s a blog fer cryin’ out loud. It’s narcissism to the max and it’s public.
Anyway, it is true that I’m at one of those portals - those passages in life - that requires me to stretch out of my comfort zone. I am in awe of those wonderful people, who, when pressed into corners, come out fighting. I so admire the one who says "Stifle Me? Tell ME no!?! Just you wait and see!" Growing up, how I wished I had the backbone my sister had, stomping her foot in fury over what was UNFAIR or WRONG. Of course, even as a kid I knew that she would have gotten where she wanted to be with a lot less pain if she’d used patience, time and diplomacy. But oh how I honor her sheer physical courage. And patience, time and diplomacy only come to us when we know where we want to go, not when we are trying to decide.
Which is where I am. Yesterday the weight of deciding was just too much for me. I glumped and gloomed all morning, sending BD off with his truck, to help friends move heavy objects. Something told me to go to the gym and work out. I know that when I’m blue, a good hard sweaty aerobics session will lift my spirits. The urge to GoToTheGym was quite overwhelming. And the workout was uplifting, but it was what happened afterwards that really made me tingle all over.
M, the WW leader, holds a meeting on Saturdays at my gym. I don’t go to that one because I try to avoid going back to town on the weekends. But she had said something at the last meeting about dealing with a life change and I wanted to quiz her on it. I finished up my workout as she finished up her class and we had a little time to chat. Turns out she has just retired - somewhat unexpectedly, after 30 years of working with the same bank. She told me how she had struggled with the decision (she can’t be any older than I) and how she’d finally just flung up her hands in prayer and said "Okay, God - you handle this one" . And even as I was murmuring my usual "yes yes that’s what you should do.." that tingly wave of self-knowledge washed over me. Heck. It’s what I should do too!
What a load off. Just taking this "YouMustDecIDE" proviso off my shoulders was such a relief. Of course I must decide, but I don’t have to decide NOW. I just have to look around some - with the idea that the choices are all nice, not with the idea that I will RUIN my life if I make some wrong step. And if I just shut up long enough to listen, I will hear the answer anyway. I know this. It’s how I solve all those "what to do" problems anyway. All I have to do is ask for help. From someone who won't try to fix me, but will just roll out the carpet and say "step aboard".
Evidently, the preparatory worry and anxiety is something I do all the time too, though. What an utter waste of my emotional powers. What an idiot I am.
So, with lifted spirits I toddled off to BH’s where the BirthdayGirl awaited 9 little princesses, all frilled and curled. BH had scheduled the thing from 11 to 2 and when I heard that I was appalled. An hour and a half max is a birthday party in my book, and part of that should include a meal. And the darling hadn’t even thought about asking another adult to help out. Big Sister E and her girlfriend were manning a craft table, but it was good to have another set of grown-up hands and a second authoritative voice.
Happily, the day was sunny - the first sunny Saturday we’ve had in months in fact. The last 15 minutes were spent just running outdoors, riding bicycles, swinging on swings. It was so pretty, though, to see those fluffy frilly blossoms, floating like some Disney cartoon, against the backdrop of the first green grass of spring. I was never a squealie girl. I actually turned my nose up at squealing and I don’t believe my voice could have even hit those decibels if I had wanted it to. But I enjoy listening to it when it represents the spilling over of joy and life, after a long wet winter indoors.
I didn’t knit a stitch yesterday but I did cook an interesting quiche made with ricotta cheese and too much spinach. There were about a thousand other ingredients in it, but the crust was what really tempted me. The recipe is from a Weight Watcher’s cookbook: WW Entertains: with the chefs from The Culinary Institute of America.
It’s made with 1/3 cup of cooked wild rice, 1/4 cup of bread crumbs and 3 Tbls. of chopped pecans, mixed with about 2 Tbls. of water. This is pressed into the pie plate and then the filling is scooped inside. Baked for 20 min. at 370º.
Well, anything with pecans and wild rice has to taste good and I did like this recipe a lot, though I think it should have cooked longer and have had less spinach in it. Mind, now, I love spinach and I liked this dish, but BD did not. Next time I’ll try mushrooms and maybe more eggwhites. The part that holds it all together, though; the egg whites and ricotta cheese, would welcome all sorts of delicious additions.
And today my west coast sister visits. She’s on the east coast for a brief trip and is coming down to see us in the afternoon. This is enough to make even the gloomiest gal happy. posted by Bess | 7:43 AM