Like The Queen
Whatever happens to strike my fancy, but surely some sort of fiber content.


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Tuesday, November 16, 2004  

Real frost finally skimmed across my lawn yesterday. The thermometer said 28 and the nip in the air felt like it. Sweet autumn days aren’t absolutely gone, but the forest is getting its winter skeleton look. Dark bark etches a black mesh against blue skies. The thick evergreen branches of cedar and arborvitae shelter little fluttering birds. The fragrance of wood smoke touches everything and makes stepping through the front door a blessing. Winter is on its way.

One of the things that really excites me this time of year is the light. After experiencing this phenomenon for 52 years, whenever my little patch of earth starts looking way from the sun, the shadows make me feel like celebrating. I realize this is a conditioned response. Acute angles of sunlight after months of hot summertime must mean Santa will soon be here. I don’t care. I love the way I begin to feel when the darkness seeps into the afternoon, heralded by long red shafts of sunset. We’re having some glorious pink skies this year, probably courtesy of Mt. St. Helen. I remember in the ‘80’s the sunsets were breathtaking. What a treat to see them again.

Each day the sunshine nudges me into a happy holiday state. It seems to whisper that exciting things might just happen and they might happen tonight. The memory of these anticipatory feelings goes back at least as far as elementary school. Can it mean? Does it promise Fun for the evening? Will my report card be Good this time? Will I finish my Homework with some time to play? Later, in my teens the feelings were the same, even if the hopes were different. Maybe He will call. There might be a Party next weekend. Perhaps I will wake up Pretty of better yet; Cool!

Even now, from the well entrenched state of the half-century mark, I still feel the little frisson of the possible, the hopeful, the maybe. We don’t really change much, do we. We get more used to who we are, we become more of whatever that is - till, in our ancient old age we are boiled down to the essence of self. Oh. I just had such a thought! Bess Bullion!

Wish I had a smiley face here - the laughing one.

Anyway - I do so love this time of year. But you are all wanting to know about the wedding dress, right?

Alas, I forgot to take any fabric to work with me and had SUCH a pile of work to do I couldn’t take even a 5 minute break to go talk to the quilting ladies. Monday is a late-ish day for me and I am a pure, undiluted morning person. Working on even proto-wedding dresses at night is not going to happen - at least, not major construction work. All I did yesterday was think about it.

Thinking is no small part of this job. I have not made a strapless dress before. I never wore one either. When I once may have been able to wear them, when I still had the lightness of youth, they weren’t in style and now that they are, I don’t have the figure to pull it off - even if I had the personality to want to. So I let my mind ponder the possible ways of constructing one that is comfortable, stays up, doesn’t gap, and doesn’t weigh 35 pounds.

When I have it figured out I’ll share my wisdom.

Tonight is WW and I almost dread to go. I can’t figure out why I am straying so far from the known and easy path, to stumble down a rocky road littered with blocks of cheese and extra helpings of bread. I haven’t been to the gym in over a week. I’m wondering how to fit some visits in this week and now I remember - I’m supposed to go to the dentist during my lunch hour.

Well durn. How does one fit it all in, hmmm? You get one part of your life in order and wham, another part decides to go astray. Just thinking about the body thing is a bit of a downer - but also a reminder that I need to spend some time in quiet meditation and planning. The next two months are going to be packed full and if I want them to unfold without wrinkles I had better make sure the core of myself is completely stable. That means watching less TV - or, in our case, fewer videos.

Video watching is my most reckless activity and one of the prime causes of dissatisfaction in my life. It’s dangerous because, though it can be a pleasure, it also steals my time - my mind - my life. It makes me dopey and fritters away huge chunks of opportunity. And sometimes it lacks even the literary value of a good plot or decent acting. We’ve been watching rather a lot of the stuff lately. It’s something BD really does like to do - far more than I, actually. So it’s something we do together. But truth is - I’ve gone over my limit and resentment has crept into my spirit.

So there. I have gone from excitement and thrill, through pondering to worry and now resentment - all in a single blog post. Still, there is something very good about identifying sources of discontent. First, know thy enemy, right? Determination follows easily after that. I can close now with the gift of resolve. What a great way to start the day.

posted by Bess | 7:28 AM