Like The Queen
Whatever happens to strike my fancy, but surely some sort of fiber content.


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Wednesday, June 16, 2004  

I'm running on empty today. Woke up at 3, but before I could meditate myself back to sleep (I've been having a little success using that technique to deal with menopausal insomnia.) BD woke up and wanted to talk. It's now 6 a.m. and I'm afraid to try to go back to sleep. It is, after all, Wednesday and Wednesday means Story Hour, and I don't have a craft ready for the kiddies so I have to go in early to put one together.

Along with an empty fuel tank, the brain seems curiously fog-filled. And I'm feeling extraordinarily weepy because several more people have looked through me this week so that I begin to wonder if I am really a horrible person who offends everybody and now they've finally decided to just pretend I'm not there. My more logical brain tells my feelerbrain to quit being so Virgo-esque, with my picky, but scathing, self-criticism. My flakier self reminds the feelerbrain that my horoscope for this week said to take the bad vibes with several grains of salt - that this week is full of the ebb of life and that in two weeks it'll be back to the flow.

It does seem that I'm cursed to see the very traits I've criticized in the Greater Human Body finding such a comfortable home in myself. Several times in the past few days I've come up against the hypocrisy that is self, with all my erudite criticisms of others reflected, via some magnifying lens, in my own behavior. And the more I type the more unworthy I see myself and I wonder why I am even writing all this wretched verbiage. This begins to sound more and more like the diaries of my youth.

And Bess yanks herself back into the world of knitting in a vain attempt to shut off the pity valve, only to remember that, in her attempt to share all the wonderful knitting knowledge she gained at the Lily Chin class with the Tuesday Night Knitters, she probably hogged the whole night and bored everybody to tears.

It is time to shut up.

posted by Bess | 5:54 AM