Like The Queen
Whatever happens to strike my fancy, but surely some sort of fiber content.


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Tuesday, May 11, 2004  

What I like about the new blogger:

SPELLCHECK! Which means I don't have to type my post in word and then, after cut&pasting, go back and change all the apostrophes!

What I don't like about the new blogger:

Everybody else got comments and I didn't, even though I turned it on, and added the code. So. Rats.

I'll email help desk.

Also, it is both easier to look at and looks more like Google, who owns it anyway. Got those "don't worry, you're dumb, but we'll help you" graphics. Well, since I am dumb, I'm not insulted. This is not a complaint, merely a comment. The original blogger look had the clever young computer geek look to it.

Sigh. I don't know the ad-art jargon terms for it. I just know when something looks like really smart college kids did it and when really slick marketers assembled it.

We're getting some scorchers this week. 90 degrees yesterday and more of the same predicted through Friday. It looks like we'll miss that crisp May weather that so energizes me. But it also looks like we can get in lots of swimming this month. And of course, I'm indoors most of the time anyway, so why should I care about weather at all? Rain is promised for the weekend though.

WARNING - DIET STUFF - the other fiber

I've been having the worst struggle with my diet - Things have been tough all winter, but by golly, starting in late March, with birthdays, anniversaries, and deep fat fried twinkees, all the good stuff I know has flitted out of my brain and the old bad eating habits have plunked themselves down with stubborn intransigence. It's going to be hard to go to WW tonight. I'd even consider skipping but for 3 things: My buddy - who counts on me to stick with it; The fact that it's Tuesday Night Knitters and I want to show off my MSW stash; A certain truthfulness I want to keep in front of me.

I was nervous enough in the beginning of this weight loss journey about this very issue - losing the weight, getting the compliments, gaining it back and then engendering pity. So nervous I almost didn't start. I squirm at the thought of people saying "Too bad about Bess. She lost all that weight and now look at her." It's not that people would be so unkind. No one I know would dream of saying that to my face. It's more the certain knowledge that they will be saying it, or at least thinking it. I know, because I've thought those thoughts about others. So of course others will think them, unless I buckle down.

The strange thing is, I was never hungry or unsatisfied or deprived while losing the weight. What I was, was rewarded. Losing weight is such a high. Each day you look better, your clothes fit better - or get so big you get to buy new clothes. People praise you even when they don't know what it is that has changed. You would not believe how many people would say "Wow. You've changed your hair, haven't you?"

No. I changed the face beneath the hair. In fact, I really did change my hair last Friday and nobody but my son has commented on it.

So what's going on? In addition to the lack of reward, that is.

I believe it is one BigThing, and a combination of a bunch of LittleThings.

The BigThing involves others, so it's not really my story to tell. It does involve a sense of "out of my control" and I know I both resent that, and also find it difficult to bring control back into the rest of my life when a BigThing is out of kilter.

Okay. I know this about myself. So - do I have to succumb? I think not.

And the LittleThings?

These are behavioral things. Things that, when I do them, I feel really good.

Drink enough water
Eat at least 5 fruits & vegetables
Don't lick, taste, and nibble - or - if I do, write it down - admit to it
Cut back to the one cup of coffee a day - the one you really enjoy
No mindless eating - gad! I thought I'd put a stop to that - evidently I still know how, alas.
Exercise more often - I tell myself things have kept me from the gym, but that's not really true. I have kept myself from the gym. Heck. I have a car. I have membership. I like to go. I've just given up my power, spending the time doing other things - sometimes things I didn't want to do.

Hmmm. Well. Those LittleThings aren't so tough. I did all this a year ago with relative ease. It was even fun. In fact, these are all in my control, so perhaps I ought to exert myself, no?

Well, the WW leader warned me that maintenance was a lot harder than losing. She doesn't tell people that during the meetings, because it's hard enough to lose the weight, but after you get to your goal she does.

And somewhere in here - I need to find a reward system for staying at a healthy weight - at least, till the staying there becomes the reward. This old donkey needs a carrot.

posted by Bess | 6:13 AM