Like The Queen
Whatever happens to strike my fancy, but surely some sort of fiber content.


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Thursday, January 15, 2004  

More body stuff, but not much

Still getting used to fitting additional protein into the diet, but already feeling the effects. The addition means something has to be subtracted and, boo hoo, it is the mid-afternoon sugar treat. Usually that's been the WW snack bar. Now it will be a piece of fruit, which I know, I know, is better for me anyway. And I'm a grown up - I don't have to indulge the half-hearted temper tantrum thrown by my inner-child. In fact, it can be fruit + cottage cheese which is somewhat tempting. Okay - another trip to the grocery store. Thank goodness we have a fridge at the library.

I've been swimming through molasses with a major project at work and was still behind time with my responsibilities and homework as of yesterday, when the committee was scheduled to meet. Instead of doing weights, I did a little aerobic stuff on the treadmill. I can read while walking by propping the book on the handlebar in front of me. I seldom do so, because neither exercise nor reading comprehension is pleasurable when I try to multi-task that way. I'd far rather daydream than try to wrap my brain around someone else's ideas, when I'm exercising. What I wish is that they'd put real book racks on a couple of those machines, because it puts a strain on my fingers holding things steady. In a perfect world, huh? hmmm. They do have a suggestion box - hmmm.

Anyway, the mistake was that I'd decided on no 3 p.m. candy bar (it is a candy bar, even if it is "fortified") but had not put something in its place. By the time I got out of the meeting, helped LD access something he needed on-line, joked with a couple of board members, helped a patron with a knitting pattern problem, and gone to the grocery store it was nigh on to 7 and I was famished! Dinner was lean pork barbecue - delicious and cooked by someone else to boot, but I ate a ton of it. Easily more than strictly equaling the 2 portions I had planned. So. Learn something new everyday - that 3 p.m. snack is an essential, not an indulgence.

But the good thing is I don't feel the threat of spiraling out of control looming any more. If you don't have a food/body/weight issue, it may be difficult to understand how this can overwhelm a person's life, till he begins to ignore the body altogether - after all there really is more to life than my body. Just that - without the body I don't get to live the rest of that life. I don't mean to obsess all the time about it - only some of the time.

Speaking of TheBod, it experienced its first real hot flash yesterday. It is amazing how really pink a sallow face can become when hormones wig out. Not at all unpleasant, though a bit surprising, my first thought was "Am I coming down with something?" But then, my first labor contractions, 28 years ago, felt good too. Boy was I in for a surprise.

As for the molasses swimming - we broke through that yesterday at last. Just like my horoscope said "useful dialogue". And ThankGoodness too 'cause I was beginning to worry about my effectiveness as a librarian. It's been a tough year to care about my job, much of which I can do on auto-pilot - but only for limited stretches of time. I don’t really do well in states of ennui, boredom, and limpidity. All my life I have engaged with passion or walked away. With my job I've been lucky that something has always come along to stimulate that excitement and energy, just in time to keep me from throwing in the towel. Yesterday seemed to be a watershed day and I hope it means a nice long flow downstream before we hit another containment pond.

Didn't get a stitch knit yesterday. I was so hungry and then so sleepy, I was worthless. As I crept up to bed, through my sleepy haze I heard poor BD mummer "But I’ve missed you so much". This is ominous, since I'm going to be up and out early today and tomorrow, when I'll be gone all day and maybe even overnight. Special attention is called for tonight - and then - it'll be the weekend, and a long one at that.

So. In addition to the HFs I am up at crack-o-3 a.m. wandering around downstairs. I believe I will take my Stars sweater and watch Patsy Z spin wool.

posted by Bess | 5:05 AM