Like The Queen
Whatever happens to strike my fancy, but surely some sort of fiber content.


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Wednesday, January 14, 2004  

"Here today, comes something rare and delightful. Useful dialogue."

All About the Body

With a little knitting

First the little bit about knitting - I've done 7 inches on the Stars sweater. I'm making a very light fabric with a lot of drape to it. It's a good red for me and it's very furry, glittery and youthful. As I work with this yarn I'm made so aware that it's prime use is to be knit into scarves. It'd be cute in lots of things where eyelash is cute, but it's utterly perfect for scarves. In the stash is one skein of a dark peachy pink and I'm going to make a very open mesh scarf from it, knitting it along with something else that has little color bits - either something with sequins, or something with beads strung on it. This yarn begs to be extravagant.

Now on to the bod stuff.

Okay guys - I hit my weight goal before Christmas, really in early December. At WW they give you 2 lbs of wiggle room and I was 1 lb. below goal. Well, since the holidays I have crept up, mincingly, but up nonetheless, till I am almost at the limit of my wiggle room. I expected excess over the holidays and I indulged in them. But the holidays have been over for nigh on to 2 weeks now and it's time the excess gets reigned in.

About the same time I officially hit goal, I began my weight training, in a burst of confidence about pushing myself more. This is a real Bessish thing to do. As a child, whenever I did something well and was praised for it, I'd always answer to the effect that “just you wait till you see what I do next time.” I wonder now, if that is the first inkling of my ENFP-idness. Unable to face completion, I'd set my sights on the next rung. It is true, I have a terribly hard time enjoying either completion or success. I am learning to do so - but I have no skill at it. Mind you, now, I was glad to reach my weight goal, but I was a little depressed about it too. What do I do next?

Well, I jumped right into weight training - and am thrilled with it. At the very first session, though, TthePT told me I would need to add some protein to my diet. Ha! I was not about to add anything to my diet. I already knew muscle weighs more than fat, suddenly working forgotten muscles would probably make me retain water, and yeah, yeah, yeah, muscle needs protein. Uh Huh. I know lots of things. Just don't always act upon that knowledge.

Anyway - the first 2 weeks on the WT regimen I was still learning the exercises and only did half the workout twice a week. It wasn't till last week that I had been taught how to use all the machines and had the time to really devote to doing the whole routine. By Saturday, when I had a nice block of time, and could do the entire workout, I was feeling really pumped. There is a sensation of having POWER when you work your muscles. Now - I haven't ever been very power mad. This doesn't mean I don't want autonomy. Woe unto him who treads on my turf. But I'm a Virgo. We like to do our stuff behind the scenes. If we are anything, we're more likely to be Machiavellian, though we're usually too kind and too interested in our own stuff to want to rule others. In power situations, we make super vice-presidents if the president is merely a figure-head (political appointee?) but it's true, we do have to be the president if that's where the decision making rests. Otherwise we turn into nags.

Okay - so - what about this POWER stuff. This desire for power? Ho! I didn't know you could get it from your body!! I didn't know that really strong muscles could make your brain think it could take on anything. I am suddenly wondering about gender issues and muscle/fat ratios. Who is looking for a master's thesis topic? I grew up in the Land-O-Gals and never did give much thought to how men ticked. I really like the female stuff and am most comfortable with it. I like the male too but more as an appreciative audience, and as such, am glad to have insight into what I'm seeing, but it's probably not something I'd ever do. Anyway - suddenly I have these stronger muscles - even if only 1 month stronger - and I'm feeling different. I'm feeling macho. More take-charge-ish (even if no guy on earth would say something like that).

I am also hungrier and hungry for protein. And I have discovered if you are hungry for protein, carbs won't satisfy you. Oh. Well. Darn. I'm normally a carb eater. No - I am normally a fairly balanced diner, grazing the whole length of the table. But I've always said if I had to be stranded on a desert island, the one food I'd want would be bread - or any wheat product. And if I'm hungry with an AICH, I'm likely to eat bread. Good bread. Whole wheat bread. Homemade stuff with oat flakes in it - but ... a grain product. And sugar. Yeah, I look for that sugar upper every day. Like 90% of the women in this world - but only maybe 30% of the guys I know.

So I come home from 90 minutes of the most fabulous workout I've ever had, starving, and begin chewing my way through the cracker box - only to surface, crumbs still on my chin, and still hungry. Only I've consumed the maximum caloric amount to stay within my weight. And I'm dying for meat which, no matter how lean, is always a high calorie food. Well. Rats.

Worse than that, I know I'm eating over the daily limit and don't like it, so I don't admit it. Don't write it down. Wing it. Pretend I’ll keep the numbers in my head - which, of course, is impossible, because the numbers make me feel bad, so I forget them as quickly as I can, so I'll stop feeling bad. Only now, of course, I feel bad for not writing and for not being able to remember and because guilt likes to linger in the brain of the malfeasant.

Do you see what is happening here? What an idiot I am.

And I am being a little silly. I know what to do. I do have a plan.

First of all I will blame TthePT. I mean, why should I bear the burden?

Man I wish I had a laughing smiley face to insert here.

Actually, I already did blame her, accusing her of giving me a post-hypnotic suggestion that I was going to be hungrier and want MEAT. She just laughed at me.

The real plan goes something like this:

Re-design my eating habits and patterns to include more protein. WW has lots of tips and suggestions about how to do this - I even have an entire little booklet to guide me.

Tale advantage of that momentary pause, when the urge to nosh hits. No matter how much it feels like I didn't have any choice, I always do. Always will. Indiscriminate eating is the result of running away from myself and letting an absurdly fast pace of existence make me think I had succumbed to a greater will. (The Dorito bag's will) What I really did was skip over the part where I listen to myself. Fast living is a farce. I believe I will call it that - after all, identifying the enemy is an important first step. So. No more farcical living for me.

S L O W D O W N , B E S S

For the first time I will have to invoke the WW saying "If you bite it, write it." It's a cute catchy phrase, but it's not something I've needed so far, on this journey. I need it now. Remember, I like to journal - that is, I've always liked it so far, but that was when I was eating familiar stuff. When I first began WW, I just ate much more controlled portions of what I already was eating. Now I am actually changing the balance of what I eat. This will take some getting used to. I wouldn't do it if my body weren't telling me I had to. Minute record keeping is the rule for the near future.

Most of all, enjoy myself. I'm really having a good time getting to know this old body. It's like rediscovering the reasons you fell in love with your mate. All those really nice familiar things, those special things you loved at first, but forgot about later, and even the new things that have been developing while you were looking elsewhere.

Yes. I need to remember to embrace the new. It's a criticism I often level at others - that they would rather continue to fail at something they can no longer do than succeed at something new. Well, it is time I follow my own advice.

Sounds like fun to me.

posted by Bess | 8:18 AM