Like The Queen
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Friday, January 30, 2004  

The heat is down a bit today - guess this cold weather consumes some of it, sucking fire right out of the most outraged hearts - but it takes only a flick of memory for the intensity to pick up again, fingers curling in fury - licking flames flashing out of my mouth. I’m still really, really angry.

The anger is at my sister in law, Jane, a bitter vicious woman, who made my life hell during the years her aged and senile mother lived at my house. She has been jealous of BelovedH‘s mother for 66 years and took her jealousy out on BelovedH, usually in some sickly “for your own good“ sort of way. She is, after all, Southern, and Southern Ladies learn to do their damage behind sweet smiles, with the look of utter surprise and denial on their faces when they are called to account for some particularly mean act. (Think; YaYa Sisters) Sadly, this Whipping Boy process is very popular in BD‘s family. Each generation has one. Well. Every family is sick in its own way.

Suffice it to say, the “for your own good“ sort of way never cut it for BelovedH. That woman does very well for herself, thank you very much, is a success on dozens of fronts, and as such, triggers the jealous rages from Jane. Like some vulture hovering over the desert, Jane came swooping into the courtroom on Wednesday, all brisk efficiency, hugging the arm of the X‘s mother and begging to testify that BelovedH was unstable and a danger to her children. Not that Jane has seen BelovedH alone with her children ever in their entire lives, nor has she really seen any of this family at all, outside of very big family gatherings. But her own daughter will never marry and have children, so it is a sure thing that Jane isn’t about to let BelovedH have any children, if she can find some way to take them away from her. Besides, in 1983, BelovedH did something to piss her off and she has been harping about it for 21 years. Wednesday she had a chance to say nasty things about BelovedH and she practically insisted she be allowed to do so. What a joke on her that she wasn’t called - and thank goodness, for had I heard her testify, it is very likely I would have expressed my anger physically.

Funny - I, who have grave misgivings about divorce when there are small children, who know both partners in this divorce and have pretty decided opinions, was so reluctant to speak at all in this situation. How awful to have to comment on someone else’s marriage - how impossible - and in fact, my only testimony was to have been what a good mother BelovedH is. And this wicked woman, who has no knowledge of anything at all, can’t wait to say nasty things dredged up from 20 years ago, merely to blacken the daughter of a woman she was jealous of.

There really are stinkers out there in this world. And by golly - I really hate being kin to one.

Even fiber couldn’t soothe this ferocious beast-filled breast yesterday. I think a heavy duty workout at the gym is about the only thing that will help and I’ll see to it I get that today. And of course I have to go, yet again, this weekend, to try to convince my own folk to move into safer and functional living quarters. I am so bloomin’ tired of this family stress crap. What is going on with the stars that I can’t settle down to a nice cozy winter weekend with knitting and spinning? Sheesh! I can’t remember when I last felt relaxed about things. Oh. Yes. I can. Driving home from Stony Mountain Fibers 2 weeks ago. Sigh. Yes. There is hope.

Grouse grouse grouse. Complain complain complain. Rats.

I guess I ought not to post this today - it’s so awfully personal. And the Internet was down at work - something wrong with the main server in the school board building - so if I post this, I can’t erase it till tonight.

Of course, I want to say nasty things about Jane - nasty true things - so, maybe I'll just indulge for 24 hours. Or even only 12. Hmmm. At least I'll have a look at how the post appears in blog format.

posted by Bess | 7:05 AM