Like The Queen
Whatever happens to strike my fancy, but surely some sort of fiber content.


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Friday, January 02, 2004  

Ahhh. January 2 and I don't have to go to work. How sweet.

The task of dismantling Christmas is done. Nothing makes a house feel so much bigger as taking down a Christmas tree. Even the smallish ones we've had the past 2 years have filled the house with clutter. It's fun for the 2 weeks of it all and it is deliciously expansive when it's gone. Alas, it took forever, though, because I got a rather late start and lots of company. Yes yes - BD was supposed to go out on the river with LD but didn't and it was after lunch before I got around to tackling the tree.

Still, I did get in my pedicure, the long soaky bubble bath - (Thank you Clara for the gift.) and a wee bit of time with the beautiful fresh brand new notebook and new blue gel pen. What is it that is so magic about blank notebooks and new pens? All that open fresh space. Be sure, I have already gotten pizza sauce on one of the pages but for that hour in the late afternoon I could just stroke the paper, riffle the pages, think about what I wanted to say and cast my mind backwards like some fly fisherman, to see if I could hook any special memories.

First thing I did was to write down the things I am most proud I accomplished last year. There were 10 of them and the #1 was my weight loss. This is the first year since perhaps, 1989, that I am not beginning my notebooks with vague plans and wishes to lose weight. Now, as I remember it, in 1990 I weighed about what I do now - but every year after that was a steady climb upwards. How lovely I don't have to do that this year. I do have a weight management plan which I've posted as a separate post below this but I don't have that Loose __X__ lbs. entry this year.

That was the only high point that had to do with body or self this year. Of the other 9, 4 were fiber related, 2 were family issues, 1 was of course, the trip to England, and the last 2 had to do with opening myself up to new friendships. It is not that I don't welcome new people into my life. It is that when one lives in a small rural community and travels little, the opportunity for new friendships is limited. So, the two people who entered my life in 2003, while not accomplishments or achievements, certainly were high points. Great gifts.

One thing I didn't list as an accomplishment, though, was this blog - which I see now, was quite an omission. As I've said in previous posts, I have a lifetime of January diaries - but nary a single June one. In part, I drift away from journal keeping because I don't care for handwriting. My dyslexia really manifests itself in script, while it's absent enough when I use a keyboard and spell-check takes care of the times it slips in. Then again, I'll just get busy or lazy and not feel like bothering with an entry. After all - who cares? Who’s going to read this anyway?

Ahh - so there's the secret. The blog is actually a kind of open letter. It's semi-public. It's still mine to do with as I please, but within the social context of both the people about whom I write and those who are readers. I know this much about myself - if I want to do something, something that will take extended time - something that feels big or challenging - I need a committee. If I don't have one, I'll drag people in off the street to kibbutz with me. The idea that someone reads this blog keeps me writing it. It is a sort of endless conversation - with not much feedback, but some - via tag board and comments. It's the opportunity to actually hog the conversation, but not at the expense of my audience. Nobody has to read this thing. It's a choice.

I've found that talking about it, writing it down, really does dredge up crap that needs a little sunshine. The blog gives me that opportunity and I've taken full advantage of it. The result is darn near a year of thoughts, musings, and recordings and I suppose I ought to have listed that as an accomplishment, too. Well - all that's left to say is "Thank you. I couldn't have done it without you."

posted by Bess | 8:33 AM