Like The Queen
Whatever happens to strike my fancy, but surely some sort of fiber content.


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Sunday, November 16, 2003  


I’m definitely a process person. A true ENFP on the Meyers Briggs scale. I get almost no gratification from reaching my goal, but if I like the process I can enjoy it endlessly. In fact, there comes that moment, even in the largest and most important projects, when I can see every step needed to be taken to get to the goal - and right then I loose interest in it. When I managed the project to build a new library in our community I had the most fantastic time up to about a month before the opening - and from then on I wept every day and completely bottomed out afterwards. Of course, that was the biggest project of my professional life - and it's important to note that I did finish that project. In fact, I finish lots of things - eventually. I do put the buttonholes in the waistband of the skirts I make. I do finish the seams on jackets I sew. We do grow up and realize that no matter how little we feel rewarded by completion, it's just one of the grown up things we have to do. But the actual joy of completion is nearly always a stranger to me, in nearly every aspect of my life.

When I began the WW journey I had no goal in mind beyond wanting to take back my life from the Dorito Bag. I felt like I did as a teenager - lots of unnamed desires and no power to fulfill them. I couldn’t even imagine being slim, much less reaching some weight goal. All I wanted was to not feel enslaved by food - and to get rid of that vague upset stomach that lived with me 24/7.

WW is a very goal oriented program. You set little goals and big goals and in-between goals and every time you tick one off you get some sort of tangible praise. Lots of talk about successes, and a good bit of conversation about what is blocking you from more. My WW leader is very goal oriented. Heck - the whole world is goal oriented and I’ve never yet been to a management seminar that didn’t go on for hours, about measurable goals and evaluaton steps. Heck - I’m working on that very thing at work with a much delayed 5YearPlan.

Interestingly enough, I’ve actually coveted a few of those praise prizes. When my cousin got her 10% key ring, this is soooo stupid, but my pituitary gland kicked in and my eyes widened, my nostrils flared, and I began to salivate. Nobody was more surprised than I and I hope I concealed it well. But I also had to admit - I wanted one of those things. I eventually got it too, and now my key chain is even heavier because I wouldn’t take off the orange tag (needed so I can find it in my purse) so the darn wad of metal and plastic drags even more on my shoulder.

There was a meeting, too, where either I had gained or not lost after being really strict all week, and I was feeling really bummed. Darned if the leader didn’t ask who had been attending 16 weeks straight and my little hand rose slowly. What do you know - a prize for that too! And praise and the comment that folks who stick it out 16 consecutive weeks have a greater chance of reaching the land of Slimmerville. Why that cheered me up so I can’t tell you, but I walked out of that meeting really up.

Still, I remain a process person at heart and by instinct. I am that way, regardless of desires, rewards, threats or sober reflection and secretly, I’m proud of that fact. In some ways, the process person is lucky - especially with a program like WW, which is truly a lifestyle. That thought is sooooo comforting to me. When the NoGoalForYou demon starts prodding me, and whispering in my ear “Almoooooost done. Almooooost done. No more fun for you. Gonnahaftaquit soon.” I can laugh and say “nope - this is for life, so there, nya.” This is fortunate, because usually those taunts make me just stop working towards the goal. (Check out the unfinished Sigvaldi and Stained Glass Vest - both at the button band stage.)

My finishitis monster has been lifting it’s strange tormented head a lot lately. But the other day it hit me - I am only a few paltry pounds away from my goal weight. I’ve been feeling moxie and slim and chic and chi-chi for weeks now, but soon I am going to be at a target weight I chose for myself and actually achieved. And once again I got that Pituitary Gland feeling - this is something I reeeeeeeealy want. Heh.

This sudden realization was a mind-opener! I am going to reach a goal. I have the skills, the tools, the support and the tenacity to achieve it. What a thought. This really is the first time on this weight loss journey that I’ve let my brain encompass such an idea. Not only will I get there, but I’ll have the help I need to stay there. I won’t just “not be fat” but I’ll “be slim”.


On a fiberly note - I had a glorious day working with some superwash merino top I got from Jen and dyed myself. Slippery stuff, which makes it a challenge to handle when wet, but wow does it slip through the fingers when being spun. The intended project is socks - but I think they’ll be a bit bulky - the yarn looks like it’ll be a DK weight but it may be Worsted. It’s dyed in long stretches and I plan to Navajo ply it so it will self stripe. If the knitted fabric is loud , well, who cares? It’s just socks.

Plying it up today.

posted by Bess | 8:42 AM