Like The Queen
Whatever happens to strike my fancy, but surely some sort of fiber content.


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Friday, October 03, 2003  

Thank you my dear friends, who have sent such support to me. I feel somewhat embarrassed about grousing so - since my life is really rather comfortable and it’s not I who has crappy doctors with sloppy staff. I think I’ve worried myself out. I feel pretty empty about most of this stuff. And it is of enormous comfort to have ThirdDaughter with the parents right now. How I wish we had molecular transport so that she could pop in more often.

I have not finished SGV and I am not going to try, now. I’ll take it along to show to all the KR folk who’ll be at lunch on Saturday, but I’m not going to beat myself up about it. It’s too bad, but I didn’t make it for competition, I just intended to enter it since it looked like it would be done. I’m on the button band on the very row where the button holes are to be placed and that’s going to take some math. It will be done when it is done.

As for the festival, I shall have a wonderful time and this time I’m taking a camera ‘cause I regretted not having one at Md.S&W. I’m going alone!! - unusual for me. This is just such the sort of thing one thinks of attending with a friend - but since I’m taking a class, unless the friend were taking it also, I’d be abandoning said friend anyway. Besides, I am meeting up with friends. And it’s a small enough festival that I can really see it all. I have a bag of fleece, some long wool type, that someone gave me. I know I read on the Festival web site that one of the processor’s will be there and I’m going to give it to them to turn it into something easy to spin. I am thinking roving to spin worsted, to use with my tapestry loom.

And now for some thoughts on aging. I’ve had a list for a long time, for LD - for when I grow old and he grows nervous, then worried, then terrified. Long ago, when my MIL began to drive erratically, and I told him he was never to get in the car when she was driving, I realized that as we age we don’t realize the sloppy and dangerous way we behave. Perhaps there was an era when this was not so frightening, though I do wonder just how many old homes burned to the ground because Gramma was cold and built a fire on the floor of her room instead of in the hearth. I suspect, at one time, people lived with so many personal dangers and illnesses that a certain routine wariness developed in all, including the aged. But these days; when illness and rough living are not even dim memories; now that the few dangerous industrial jobs have some safety measures applied and most jobs are service types anyway; when we expect to be able to handle power saws, drive 2 ton automobiles on congested highways, drive riding mowers along the banks of drainage ditches; when we think we can sue anybody we can blame for our own stupidity or carelessness, I think we’ve just grown a hell of a lot stupider and more careless.

But there is no denying it - I will grow older and I will grow less able. I’ve already told LD that when my driving makes him want to throw up, he is to take my car away. If I’m still living out here in the sticks, I will either accept a driver or I’ll move. and if I won’t do either, he can leave me home to stew in my own bratty misery. And when it takes me 20 minutes to go to the bathroom, it’s time for me to either have a live-in companion, move in with him, or move into some sort of assisted living. And truth to tell - everything on one floor, someone comes in every week to clean and tidy, hot meals just two doors down the hallway, no kitchen to clean up - sometimes I’m ready to move in now.

I think, sometimes, of having tattooed on my forearm, “at least talk about it”. Or “Obey your son” or some message that can’t be denied - so that when he begins to really worry, I will begin to make changes. What do you think? with little dragons breathing fire on either side? or perhaps victorian with roses twining round like a frame?

posted by Bess | 8:14 AM