Like The Queen
Whatever happens to strike my fancy, but surely some sort of fiber content.


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Thursday, March 20, 2003  

I am growing ever more unsetteled and scatterey feeling. I hate this. Usually I enjoy open ends and multiple choice. But right now I feel like I am walking across a railroad bridge and I can feel the tracks rumbling in both directions even though I can't see anything. I get this way every spring because anybody with a garden knows the real work is in the spring. And then TAXES loom in spring. And there are never any warm, but spring colored clothes to wear - and I hate my brown wools by now. The light is different in spring and I can see how dingy my house is. It really needs to be painted. And DH wants it to be painted outside and I want it painted inside and we probably don't have enough $ to do both and neither of us wants to do it ourselves. And every cool event this spring is planned for the last weekend in April or the first weekend in May. Imagine - The annual Maymont Herbs Galore festival and a Nicki Epstein workshop at GotYarn are on the SAME DAY! And I want to be 10 years old and carefree. Only I don't ever remember being carefree in my whole life. not even for a day. There's always this prick of threat/danger/work/ guilt/homework/test-tomorrow/something that scents the air and reminds me that it is temporary - all like mist in the morning. And the world picture doesn't help. And I miss my son who is in the navy. And I don't like seeing my parents growing old. And I just feel so crummy.

And now that I've spit all that out - I feel better.

so I will rake and seed the paths in the garden
and balance my checkbook.
and fill out my taxes
and talk with big darling about money
and send little darling a letter
call my folks and tell them I love them
and pray

posted by Bess | 7:32 AM